>>15226You've said as much before, but, to be frank, the doubt is still left there.
Alongside the myriad of other things you had said, at various moments.
It's turned the whole thing to ash long ago. I will often find myself staring out, realizing how stupid I was, how easily I let myself be manipulated.
It sucks. I can't ever get that back. I wasted it all. And for what? Sweet words prodding at some empty point I never realized was starved.
It's stupid, perhaps. Or at least would sound that way to others. But I do hate it. Hate myself. I hate that I was so easy. That I let myself be snared. I didn't stay true to my heart. Stay devoted to my dragons, and leave that void sealed 'til the next life. It keeps me up sometimes. It keeps me from dreaming as freely as I once did. I feel 'impure'. Unworthy of them.
>>15230You are right. I am not nearly so stoic, as much as I wish I were.
I have a good way to avoid such feelings.
I just don't think on them.
Thinking on them only brings pain.
It doesn't really work. But sometimes I can trick myself into thinking it does.